The best part of my day....

Hands down, the absolute best part of my day today has been coming home, immediately turning on the computer, connecting to iTunes and downloading the brand spanking new Zac Brown Band CD. If the only song you know from them is "Chicken Fried," you are missing out. These guys are incredible. For Danny's birthday, I got him (me) the live album/DVD. We've both loved them since their first CD came out in 2008. In fact, in this household, I think it's coming close to an obsession. I stayed up WAY past my bedtime on Sunday night, watching them live from Red Rocks. What a great show!

The point is, buy this CD. Now. It will change your life.

After listening for the past little while, my favorite track is "No Hurry." The song is just speaking to me today. I needed to hear it. Here are the lyrics:

You know my old car needs washing
And the front yard needs a trim
And the telephone keeps ringing
And the boss man knows I know it's him
And the bills ain't gonna pay themselves
No matter anyway
'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

There's nothing wrong with an old cane fishing pole
And the smell of early spring
Sit down in a fold-up easy chair
On a quiet shady river bank
Let the world go on without me
Wouldn't have it any other way
Because I ain't in no hurry today

Ain't in no hurry
Be a fool not to worry
About all those things I can't change
And the time that I borrow
Can't wait till tomorrow
Because I ain't in no hurry today

When I must return
To the cold, cold ground
Have them take their time
When they lay this sinner down

Heaven knows I ain't perfect
Raised a little Cain
And I plan to raise a whole lot more
Before I hear those angels sing
Gonna get right with the Lord
Or they'll be hell to pay
But I ain't in no hurry

Ain't in no hurry
Be a fool not to worry
About all those things I can't change
And the time that I borrow
Can't wait till tomorrow
Because I ain't in no hurry today
Ain't in no hurry
Ain't in no hurry today

Lyrics and album cover courtesy of zacbrownband.com

Update

We had a doctor's appointment this morning to check on the little peanut. The doctor said that everything looks and sounds great! We were able to hear the baby's heartbeat and even heard the baby kicking the doctor a few times. It was such an amazing feeling to once again hear that quick little heartbeat...to know that Danny and I have created something so tiny and so beautiful. There are so many days that go by where I "feel" pregnant, but I can't really feel that there's a baby inside of me. I know that will change in the coming weeks...I'll really start to feel the baby kicking and moving around soon enough. I am trying to just enjoy every minute that I possibly can with this pregnancy. Lots has changed for me over the past few months. I feel as if in a lot of ways I've gone from someone that hates to be alone to really enjoying the peacefulness that I find in solitude. In the past, the last thing I wanted to do was go home and sit alone all evening. These days, by the end of the work day, I so look forward to just relaxing and enjoying some peace and quiet. I guess the "quiet" days are numbered, so I should enjoy them while they last!

As is the usual, I was weighed at the doctor today. Between my first appointment and my second, I had lost 6 pounds. Now, between my second appointment and the one today, my weight stayed the same. I was a little surprised to say the least! My clothes are definitely fitting differently - some of my pants are getting really tight. I love wearing my maternity clothes...they are so stretchy and comfortable! And, my appetite has finally come back! In the first trimester, I was getting horrible heartburn if I would eat past 5 p.m. and even then, I would lay in bed feeling very nauseous. Those days are gone now, and me and the baby are hungry again!

We are so looking forward to our next appointment in October. Even though we won't be finding out the sex of the baby, we are excited to "see" him/her again!

Saturday night fun...

I vowed that this weekend, I would be lazy. I would not do anything I didn't want to do and I wouldn't feel obligated to leave the house if I didn't want to. I told my mom that my spot this weekend was on the couch...at home. Well, that changed this morning when my sister called to tell me that she, Vannah, and my mom were heading the Shelby County Flea Market. I told her that I would jump in the shower and be ready as soon as possible.

When we were growing up, we went to the Shelby County Flea Market at least once a month. We spent so much time there as a family...shopping for cheap clothes, cheap crafts and cheap food. Oh the food! Who would think going to a flea market would make you so hungry! Our family favorite? Fried cauliflower with cheese sauce. You haven't lived until you've had it.

The thought of going to the flea market today made my heart skip a beat! Let me just say, things have changed. A lot. And not in a good way. They now have several booths were you must be over the age of 18 to enter as they sell "tobacco" pipes inside (including one made from a Pringles can). Looking for a Quinceanera dress? Go to the flea market. They have plenty. It was not the flea market of my childhood. I bought nothing all day.

After leaving the flea market, Vannah and I decided a trip to Michael's was in order. Boy did that change my day! I found the cutest stamps on sale and replaced one of the ink pads that was ruined by the girls at work. Here's a card I made tonight:

I think it's adorable! Vannah and I have had a great evening....watching chick flicks and crafting. Well, I'm crafting, she's drawing. Either way, it must be the most perfect Saturday night!

This will not become just a baby blog...

I promise. But that's what has been going on with us. Other than work, that's what is on my mind these days more than anything!

I went to Homearama with my friend Jackie a few weekends ago. It was hotter than hot out so I was glad to go into the air conditioned homes. I found a few rooms that may offer some inspiration for this:

The room that will be the baby's room. At this point, it's basically a blank canvas. Danny has used it as his closet for the past year. We actually have a rocker, changing table, and crib mattress in the room right now. When my sister moved into a new house last year, she gave us all of her baby stuff. There's a corner in our garage full of baby stuff. It's nice to start a step ahead, that's for sure!

Here's the nursery I saw at Homearama that I loved!

 We are not going to find out the sex of the baby, so I thought this room was pretty gender neutral. I love the shade of green, but more than that, I love the black and white accessories. So cute!

My favorite room from that day was this playroom:

You obviously can't see the toys...those weren't nearly as important as this wall! So stinking adorable!! Now, if we just had the room for a play room....

I can't wait for the decorating to begin!

Life is changing...

Things have been pretty exciting at our house since, oh, around June 28th! That's the date that changed everything...

I had been feeling like something was going on for a few days, but since we've had so many months of "feeling" like something was going on, I didn't get too excited. Not to go into too many details about the past year and a half of our lives, but let's just say that Danny and I have been ready for babies for a long time...like since we got married. We weren't taking temperatures, counting days or any of that, but we were hoping. And praying. And trying. And for months and months and months, nothing happened. My closest friends and family members who knew how badly we wanted to have a baby just kept saying that it wasn't our time and that it would happen when it was supposed to. I believed that and still do. So, at the end of June, one day after my monthly visitor didn't show, I stopped at Walgreen's on my way home from work and bought a two pack of pregnancy tests. I was in shock. I took the test and saw two pink lines - positive! It was so unbelievable. No one was here with me...I hadn't even told Danny that I was a day late. I just kept looking at my cat, talking to him, and telling him what was happening. I remember walking back and forth between our bedroom and bathroom, making sure my eyes were working correctly.

Over the next week or so, I think I took 5 more pregnancy tests. They were all positive. At first, Danny and I decided that we were going to keep this little secret until our first doctor's appointment on July 21. I knew that I wouldn't last. I was going to see my sisters just a couple of nights later that first week and I told Danny there was no way I could see them and not tell them. That's when we decided to just tell our immediate family. Everyone was excited for us. My sisters cried, my mom shrieked, my niece asked how the baby got in my belly and how it was going to get out (glad I have a few years before I'll have to answer that one!).

Fast forward just a few weeks....our first doctor's appointment was on July 21...the day Danny had VIP and Meet and Greet passes to the Korn/Rob Zombie concert in Cincinnati. Danny went to the concert. My mom and I went to the doctor. That's when we met this little one...

Love at first sight! We heard the heart beat and got this great picture of our little peanut! After that appointment, we started to tell some of our really close friends. Now, here we are a month later. We've made it "Facebook official." We went back to the doctor this week and got another picture of our little peanut:

The baby is growing as the doctor expects and has a strong heartbeat. I am so glad that the baby is growing, but man, I am worn out! I've been pretty lucky with this pregnancy...no morning sickness, no getting sick. I have lost 6 pounds, but I think that's more due to making better food choices knowing that I'm responsible for the little one growing in my belly.

I'm so looking forward to the next several months and just can't wait until March 2011 when we get to meet our own bundle of joy!

Hoping today gets better....

What a morning it's been! I got out of bed extra early this morning as I have some major reviews happening at work. Since I was out of the office some last week, I just wasn't ready for the reviews. I've still been trying to recover from my trip to Michigan last weekend (more about that later, when I'm home with my pictures). So - last night, I was up late prepping for this review this morning and got to work at 7:30 to finish up before the reviewer came in at 9. I really don't ever get to work before 9 anymore (I love the flexibility of my job), and with a few other things going on, it's been so nice to sleep in some. Well, this morning, I walked out of the house (hair still wet, no make-up on), into the garage and pressed the button to open the garage door. The door started to open....and then fell. Not the way I wanted my morning to go. I had to wake up my poor husband who has to work until 3 a.m.and doesn't fall asleep until much later than that to help me get out. I pulled out of the garage with Danny holding the door open for me. Such a sad sight...

So I get to work and I start getting stuff done right away. I'm literally working down to the wire on this one. At 9 a.m., I am entering my last case note and the reviewer knocks on the door. I let her in and help her get settled and come back to my desk to just relax for a few minutes (read some blogs, check my personal email...) and there's another knock on the door. A maintenance man says, "Hi. Who drives that white Honda?" I say, "Well, I do." With a sheepish look on his face, he says, "Well....I was mowing the grass and I didn't realize it, but my mower spit grass all over the side of your car. It's covered on the other side. And I feel bad because it was so sparkly when I saw it this morning. I'm sorry." My response? "Oh, don't worry. My husband will be so excited to wash it....again. Since he just did that on Sunday." How about a hose buddy? Don't they have those around here? Spray it down for me! Geez....guess I know what I'm doing tonight.

I really hope today gets better...I think that is left in the hands of the reviewer. She has the power to make or break my day now. Fingers crossed....

Life is good today...

Danny and I really had a great weekend together. We did some much needed shopping and just catching up together. Our schedules just always seem to get the best of us! I was thinking the other day about the list of things that I made for my 27th birthday and how many of the things that I have accomplished. Looking back over the list, I aspired a year ago to earn my CSW. I did that in March! I wanted to set firmer boundaries with my job. Well, I did that in March, too, but that's because I decided to quit my job. I wanted to be more creative - my have I done that (my checkbook thanks me). I'm glad I made the list...it's always fun to look back.

Today, I'm just feeling really grateful. I don't know what it is, but I'm having a difficult time focusing at work - it's such a beautiful day that I just want to ditch the office and go sit by the pool. I've been listening to the Zac Brown Band Live CD - over and over and over again. But, the silly song "Toes" is stuck in my head....I just keep thinking "Life is good today..." and it is! :) So many good things are happening in my life and in the lives of some of my close friends and I just can't help but feel overwhelmed with life's blessings today.

Birthday BBQ

Last weekend, we had several of our fabulous friends over for a joint birthday party for Danny and our friend Leslie. We had such a great time, including a late night run on the slip and slide!! Danny and Leslie got lots of fun presents. Danny was so excited about all of the art supplies that he got from our friends. I thought it would be a great idea to buy him a couple of canvases and ask our friends to bring different colors of paint to use. Boy did he rack up! He got tons of great colors, brushes, canvases, and my mom and sisters even got him an easel! He's already completed one fantastic painting (which he took to his mom who is still in the hospital). I'm excited for him to have something to work on during craft nights!

To wrap up my ramblings for tonight, I just have to say that the past few weeks have been really great. I've been able to catch up with two of my dearest friends that I just don't see often enough and as always, spend time with the ones that are around a lot.

Last week, my friend Jackie came over for dinner, crafting, and a bottle of wine. We had a really nice time catching up on the past few months of life. I hate that she lives so close and yet, we just don't get together enough. I'm always so excited to hear what's going on in her life and love that I can keep track through her blog. It was a much needed night - no T.V., no music, just two good friends, a few glasses of wine, and lots to catch up on.

Tonight, I was able to see my dear friend, Ellie, who I really don't think I've seen in about 5 years. We had so many fun times in high school and times we were both home from college. It was so great to catch up with her over dinner. I love having someone that I can call my "L.A. friend," but I really wish she didn't live so far away.

Otherwise - I've spent lots of time with my friends that are closer to home - relaxing, watching old episodes of Sex and the City and making new memories. I have to say, we are so very blessed!

Not only does today mark Danny's 31st birthday, but we've hit the one year mark with our house. While there are still so many things that we want to do with the house, we have really made it our home. I love coming home everynight to a place that's really ours. I love having cook-outs on the weekends and that our home has really become a gathering place for our friends. I was talking with Kristin the other night about how great it is that we have the house and how in the past year, it seems like this house has really pulled a group of good people together. We just have so much fun sitting in the back, having bonfires, playing wiffle ball, and hopefully this weekend - slipping and sliding! Oh yeah, that's right. Pictures to come!

Happy Birthday to Danny!

Today is Danny's 31st birthday! I just to have to say that I am so thankful for the wonderful man that I married. Not only does he make me laugh every day, he is always there to hold me when I cry, to deal with me when I'm irrational, and to encourage me when I'm down. Now, we've been together for nearly 8 years (wowza!), but I have to say that over the past year, I have come to love and appreciate him more than I ever did before. Not that I didn't love or appreciate him in the past (and this would be a pretty awful way for him to find that out), but I am so thankful for the man that he has been to both me and my entire family over the past 15 months or so. When Danny and I started dating, I was very honest about some of the things that might make being in a relationship with me different than being with someone else. Even back then, he was willing to sign on and give it a whirl. What a ride it's been! Vannah has always really looked up to and loved Danny, but over the past year or so, she's started to call him "Bubba." They have this special bond that I love watching develop and will never try to understand. I am thankful for the love, patience and support that he has shown - not only to me, but to my entire family.

Happy birthday! I love you!

The Oaks and Derby 2010

A few days before The Oaks this year, my dear friend Leslie called and said that she had a great deal on a couple of tickets for The Oaks. We'd been talking a lot about The Oaks and The Derby considering that we live in Louisville and that I've never been to either. I really, really wanted to go, but was concerned about taking the time off of work. Thankfully, my boss was super understanding and in fact told me that I would be crazy not to go. Leslie and I had such a great time! We started with breakfast at her place and then headed out to Churchill Downs to start the drinking...err...horse racing! We had some great seats with a few of Leslie's friends. We were having a great time and then I got a call from my sister who was there with her husband. Since they work in the corporate world, they had an even better deal in store for us. They were able to snag us two tickets to the corporate "tents," which included free food and drinks! Oh, and air conditioning (the sun was H-O-T that day....I still have the awesome tan lines to prove it).

We had a fabulous time in the corporate tents. And the view - well, all I can say is WOW. Here's a picture of the running of The Oaks.

 

After a fun-filled day with the fillies and the Lilies (yummy!), we met a few friends at Wick's for dinner. My hair was completely smashed to my head, so I had my pizza in style!

We shared some good laughs and then went home to ease our sun burns - Leslie and I were both a little red!

After such a fun day at the track on Friday, we opted to stay in for the Derby on Saturday. We had all of our friends over for a feast of spaghetti with meat sauce, baked ziti (Jackie's delicious recipe), garlic bread and Amy's crunchy ice cream! We were so full but had fun gambling on the races, playing Left-Right-Center, dancing in the living room and relaxing in our pj's!

It's been too long (again)...

Well, here I am again, realizing how long it's been since I've updated the blog. Time just keeps passing by me. I read blogs every day...it's a part of my morning routine. I guess there's a part of me that thinks that no one cares whether I write or not, but I'm realizing more every day lately that I care. I used to keep journals and I would poor my heart and soul into them each night. I had a way to get out all of the things that I was feeling that I didn't want to talk about to anyone else. I realize that a lot of my posts since I started this thing have been kind of downers. There are so many wonderful things in my life and I need a place to put that out there. I'm surrounded by a great family, the best friends in the world, and a job that I can truly say I love. I have much to be thankful for and I need to remind myself to smell the roses. So - while I stay up late with my wonderful hubby and watch the Zac Brown Band's live DVD (nice present - for him and me!), I'm going to do a little updating. Sure - it's great if you all (all 7 of you that follow this blog) want to read and catch up on my life, but to be honest with you - I'm doing this for me - so I can look back and remember the good times I've had.

It's been a year...

It's hard to believe that it's been a year since my dad died. Tomorrow is the day that we've all been dreading. The day that it seems no matter what we try to do, will be overrun with memories of dad, of missing his sweet face, his sense of humor, his love for his wife and his kids. The past year has been incredibly difficult to say the least. It seemed that every holiday that he wasn't there was tougher than the one before. There's just that little part of me that wants to believe that this has all been a nightmare and he'll just come back home. I know that it's not the case, but I think it's just so hard to accept that he's really gone. Forever. I'll never be able to look in his eyes again. Never be able to tell him a funny story. Never laugh with him at the marvels of modern technology. Never walk into a room and just say "Hey Dad" - ever again. What I would give to walk in and hear him say "Hey Liz." I loved that. Very few people in my life have ever called me Liz - I just loved the way he said it. I just miss him so much. The void that has been left in my heart is indescribable. The pain that I would not wish upon anyone else. It's so hard for me to think about having kids and the fact that they won't ever know their "Gramps." They'll never know how much he loved to have fun, what a good cook he was, and the fact that he would do anything for his family. I know that my dad had his faults, his weaknesses, his struggles. I don't wear the rose-colored glasses and I know that things weren't always butterflies and rainbows, but the pain was worth it. And I would live through it all again just to have more day with him. To tell him how very much I loved him. How proud I was of him for his many accomplishments. How much I respected his steadfast love and tender spirit. Just the chance to really say good-bye to someone who shaped my life more than any other.

I can't believe it's been a year since we got the call from my mom. She called on Sunday afternoon to say that dad had gone to the grocery store and hadn't made it home. Danny had just graduated from the police academy and offered to ride over to mom's with me so we could figure out what had happened. It's just insane to me to think back on that day. To pull into the Kroger parking lot with my mom, Danny and Ashley and see the van that dad loved so much sitting in the parking lot with police officers surrounding it. Thank God Danny was there to talk to the officers. The look on his face told us everything. We knew right away that things weren't good. I don't think any of us wanted to believe what we heard. Just the sheer emotion of it all took my breath away. I felt like my entire life was swept out from under my feet. The rest of the day and the week that followed are just a complete blur. Calling family members, having to tell Vannah that Daddy was never coming home from the store, making preparations and decisions about things that had never been discussed. I spent the next several hours and days surrounded by friends and family, just trying to come to grips with the cards we'd all been dealt. I've said several times since then that I remember doing things over the past year - things at work, buying the house - but so much of it is just a blur - completely clouded over by the loss of my dad.

To honor the legacy that dad left to us, his children and family, I am posting some of the pictures that we showed at the funeral. Tonight was the first time in the past year that I've looked at him. It wasn't easy. All the emotions that we went through are fresh again. It's like tearing the wound open, but I'm opening myself up to the healing that I know will come.

Where it all began - mom and dad on their wedding day...

Dad and me - so sweet

Dad and Ashley - oh how he loved Christmas!

Dad - with his shades on

A Daddy's girl if I ever knew one....God how she loved him

Many years ago - he loved our family vacations

King's Island

Dad and me - I think at King's Island

Dad chaperoned my trip to Space Camp in Alabama - I think in 5th grade. I think he had more fun than I did!

Cooking - as was the usual (man do I miss those hot browns!)

Playing with the kids

I am hoping that tomorrow we will truly be able to celebrate the life of my father. I know that it will be an emotional day, so I pray for the strength I will need to be strong for my mom and sisters and never forget the lessons he taught us about living and loving.

Mark Patrick Radmacher

10/1/55-4/26/09

Missing dad....

Other than starting a new job, I'm trying to prepare myself for the one year anniversary of my dad's death next week. It's hard to believe that it's been a year since I've talked to him, looked into his eyes, or heard that laugh. So many times over the past year, I've thought of a really great story and wanted to share it with him - just call him and tell him I'm coming over and have something funny to tell him. If I could just have one more day...

There's a song that Toby Keith wrote a song for his dear friend Wayman Tisdale who died last year due to complications from cancer (Wayman died just a few weeks after my dad passed). Wayman was a basketball player and talented jazz musician. I heard the song several months ago while I was driving. I had to stop the car because I was crying so hard I couldn't see. The lyrics speak to me and to my dad's love of music.

"Crying for Me" by Toby Keith

Got the news on Friday mornin’
But a tear I couldn’t find
You showed me how I’m supposed to live
And now you showed me how to die
I was lost till Sunday mornin’
I woke up to face my fear
While writing you this goodbye song
I found a tear

I’m gonna miss that smile
I’m gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
‘Cause that’s right where you wanna be
I’m not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you
I’m crying for me

I got up and dialed your number
And your voice came on the line
That old familiar message
I heard a thousand times it just said
Sorry that I missed you
Leave a message and God bless
I know you think I’m crazy
But I had to hear your voice I guess

I’m gonna miss that smile
I’m gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
‘Cause that’s right where you wanna be
I’m not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you
I’m crying for me

So play your upside-down, left handed
Backwards bass guitar
And I’ll see you on the other side Superstar

I’m gonna miss that smile
I’m gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
‘Cause that’s right where you wanna be
I’m not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you
I’m crying for me

I’m still crying
I’m crying for me
I’m still crying

It's been too long...

I feel like I've been away from blog-land for a ridiculously long time! My day to day life is much different than it was a month or so ago! I'm happy to say that I left my old position, where I wasn't very happy and I'm back in a place where I feel comfortable, loved, and supported. It was so fun coming back to work here - seeing people that I hadn't seen in over a year was really exciting! Some of the novelty of the new position is starting to wear off, but I can say, I truly believe this is where I'm meant to be right now. I'm excited for the future here and am getting anxious to get the program started.

I've had so many things over the past month that I've taken pictures of to post on here, stories to tell, crafts to make, and I just haven't sat down to do it. I'm thinking tonight might be the night. I had to post something today so it didn't look like I was gone forever. I'll be back!